Crowded Originality's Blog

Anosmia

Blind
Deaf
Mute
What about people who can’t smell or taste anything? Every other cranial sensory organ (or ability) defect gets a name.

Maybe those are the two things we have on lock down, so there aren’t any names because they don’t exist. God just decided that he could give us those for free because people wouldn’t really be too worried about it either way.

So that’s something that I started writing while I was half asleep during a long bus ride.

(Originally it was just the sense of smell I was thinking about, because the gigantic man next to me does not smell very nice, but as I started to write I realized I was ignoring the sense of taste.)

Anyway.

A very odd thing happened after I wrote it. I thought about posting it here as just a little whimsical post but I began to debate whether or not I might really offend someone who cannot smell.

A comically serious debate started in my head whether or not this disorder exists. I would think it does, if conjoined twins exist then there are certainly people born without the ability to sense smells.

Right?

See I got caught there. Then my brain decided to pull a little trick on me.

It (my brain) thought:
“This is proof of God’s existence. God clearly decided to take away sight, speech, and hearing from people because people notice those ones, they’re the heavy hitters. People notice; they question why God would let it happen; a theological debate ensues. Therefore, God let’s bad things happen to good people because it makes us question His existence and divine will”.

I was forced to arrive at a conclusion: Questioning is the most rudimentary form of acknowledgement.

Do I exist? Boom. I just existed. Why? Because I asked. (Cogito Ergo Sum, wicked smart). Does God exist? BAM. Why would I ask if He didn’t? Chicken and the Egg.

I’m understanding the “Barfly Philosopher” on new levels every day.

I need to stop allowing my brain to take charge. I can’t help but feel supremely moronic when I do.

Either way, there seems to be at least some nugget of intelligence to what I was thinking. I think I might actually now believe that questioning is the most rudimentary form of acknowledging the unknowable (much the same way as imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?).

That’s all I have for now, “Flash” (the bus driver) wants to stop at McDonalds. I’m Lovin’ It.

Lists of the American Malennial

Things I like:

a. Dates (nay, interactions that result in excruciating hilarity)
b. Youtube clips
c. Making fun of Sarah Palin
d. The intersection of a, b, and c
e. Lists, dude, lists.

I’ve given myself a week + (fortnight – ?) to reflect on a recent date, but alas, the same clip that ran in my mind’s eye during the date itself continues to haunt me. Please believe me when I say that this clip encapsulates exactly how I felt when interacting with this girl, whom I will call “Midwest Mandy”. Multimedia annnddd go…

Appropriate First Date Banter Topics
a. Music
b. Places you’ve traveled to
c. Light (Light!) family talk

Wide open layups that Midwest Mandy absolutely bricked (and how…)
a. What do you think of Bruce performing at the Superbowl? (Who’s Bruce Springsteen?)
b. What kind of music do you like? (I don’t really know the names of bands or anything…)
c. Oh you’ve been to Europe!? What countries? [I don't really remember...it was in High School...(she's 22)]
d. How many brothers and sisters do you have (I don’t really talk to any of them…I hate them)

In sum, it went a little like this…

Her every answer could’ve easily been proceeded by John Stewart sheepishly stating “here it is, your moment of zen”.

Vaguely racist moments with Midwest Mandy
a. Degrading her sister for moving to Detroit (‘she just has this scary thang with big black dudes…’
b. Degrading me for partaking in Inauguration activities (‘I don’t see what the big deal is with Obama…people freak out because he’s black)
c. Degrading the band playing at the bar (I don’t even want to go here…just trust me it was bad)
…it was kind of like this…

Things I contemplated doing after the date(besides blogging)
a. Crying hysterically
b. Abandoning any theory concerning my generation being poised to fully eradicated racial intolerance
c. Giving her bad T directions (Shocker of the Century: she wasn’t sure how to use the T) to punish her for being so dumb
d. Calling her again…after all, she probably has a bright political future.

Kind of like this…

~~Jackson West

Barfly Philosopher

I’m a part time bartender at a casual dining restaurant. I only work days so my usual guests are a very particular demographic, day drinkers. Most of the time they’re white collar workers who come to have a diet pepsi and lemon with their shrimp caesar salad, or blue collar workers who come in to slam a few tall bud drafts with their cowboy burgers (it’s odd (or appropriate?) how readily people prescribe themselves to such prevalent archetypes). I prefer the drinkers. They’re more willing to tell obscene stories, or even just talk to me at all. However, there is one trend that I have noticed that I don’t enjoy so much. After a little bit of banter a lot of these guys eventually ask me if I’m in school.

The conversations generally follow as such:
“You in school?”
“No, I just graduated from BC”
“Oh yeah? What’re you doing in here then?”
“Bartending”
“Why what did you study?”
“I got my degree in Philosophy”

Then a very odd thing happens to these men. They get a look in their eye that’s akin to the same look your average perv gets when he sees a girl who’s as attractive as she is drunk. It’s somewhat unsettling, but they then prepare themselves to challenge me.

“So what do you do with that?”
“You bartend… just kidding, I don’t really know what I want to do yet…”

Before I can ever really finish that sentence they usually cut me off with something like:

“Ha, 40 grand a year for a degree in philosophy so you can bartend, I didn’t need any fancy piece of paper to get my job.”

Then if they’re feeling really saucy they start to challenge my knowledge in philosophy. The main problem here is that many people don’t have a very in depth concept of what philosophy actually is. I didn’t until I studied it, and I wouldn’t expect people to really know either, much like a plumber shouldn’t expect me to know much about modern plumbing systems, that’s why he’s a plumber and I’m not.

It’s a very awkward situation, most of the time these men tell me they never went to college. That’s fine, I couldn’t care less, I’m not about to judge someone for not choosing school, or act like I’m better because I did, most of them make more money than me anyway. However, many can’t help but try to make themselves feel better by trying to make me look stupid. Usually I don’t respond to their questions about philosophy in much detail because I’m working for tips so generally it’s not a good idea to discuss Nietzschean philosophy in an attempt to prove your patrons wrong.

One of my favorite encounters like this was with a construction worker who really wanted to challenge my intelligence. He dared me to produce some philosophical nugget that would “really blow [his] mind, really, mess [him] up for the rest of the week”. I had never talked to this man before, so I didn’t really know where to start. He was so intent though, and badgered me for a good half hour every time I walked by him. I was searching my mind trying to come up with a maxim or aphorism that I really liked, but was having a tough time remembering them. I’m glad I wasn’t able to recall any good ones, because what followed would have been tragic had it not been so funny.

This man asked me over and over for something, while interjecting his ideas of philosophy such as “I’m here for a good time, not a long time”.

He asked me about my religion, and I tried not to respond, I just told him that’s theology, not philosophy. He didn’t like that. He asked me about my religion again, then after some reflection posited “if you follow the ten commandments, then that is all you will ever need to know”. I should have just left it there, but I stupidly said “that’s fine, and I won’t argue with that, but that has nothing to do with what I studied”. He pushed me further still to give him something, and with every passing moment he became more sure of his own brilliance.

Meanwhile, I might add, the other man he came in with sat silently shaking his head at this interaction while reading the newspaper. Every once in a while he would say something to the argumentative one like “just let it go, this kid is just trying to not make you look stupid”.

I was eventually pushed to my limit, and I gave in, I said to him “OK we’ll go with a classic old one: can God Himself create a stone so large that He Himself cannot lift it?” Not necessarily philosophy, but I was desperate.

What followed was one of the more mind-numbingly stupid conversations I have ever been apart of.

His initial response was incredible.

“Pyramids, BAM! What’s the next one?”
I stood in stunned silence for a moment while he rubbed his hands together in eager anticipation, then decided I had to pursue this.

“No, wait, the Egyptians created the Pyramids… and I don’t think you understand what I’m getting at. Look at it this way, God can do anything right? You already told me that. OK so if God can do anything, can He create something so heavy He will not be able to lift it?”
“Yes”
“OK but then He can’t do something, He can’t lift it….”
“Look, if you obey the ten commandments then that’s all you need to be happy”
“OK, we covered that, but do you understand what I’m asking?”
“God created all the stone, so yeah”
“OK, just any object then, anything at all”
“Yeah the Earth”
“So God cannot life the Earth?”
I think that was about the time he began to feel cornered, because he started answering different questions than I was asking.
He asked me if I go to church, I said I used to, he did not like that at all. He then told me “Look, when I go to church, and I get down on my knees, I think about… I pray… and I think about this stuff. I get deep in there and I, you know, I talk to Him, and you know this is what I do, I think about this deep stuff, and I know… what’s this nonsense about an object? That’s nothing, God can do anything”

“So can He create a lead weight so heavy He can’t move it?”
“There’s not enough lead”
“God could create more so… look that’s not the point, it’s supposed to be an unanswerable question”.
“Look if you wake up in the morning, and you’re happy and you follow the Ten Commandments…”
“Yeah, I know, all I’m trying to say is that there are some questions that don’t necessarily have an answer, that’s a big part of philosophy.”
“Psshhh, my parents didn’t have to spend 80 grand a year so I could talk about big rocks”
If I weren’t so arrogant I would have felt stupid. In a moment of slight anger and frustration I said to him “Look, I didn’t study that in college, these are questions you throw around in middle school to get kids thinking” then realized I was still working for his money. I had to retract that sentiment and tell him that “there’s a lot out there in philosophy, it’s just a different school of thought really, it’s hard to describe… do you want another Bud?”

Oddly this man was able to really shake me. For so long I’ve studied things that taught me to take nothing for granted, and here I am arguing with a man who takes almost everything for granted. Not in any materialistic sense, but in the sense that he sees no need to question anything that he can otherwise see as given. It helped me understand a little better how half the country believes in creationism despite all the evidence to the contrary, and why they still could be right even if I don’t agree.

Anyway, he’s not the only one to have challenged me, just the most memorable. I think I should start telling people that I majored in something else so they don’t want to challenge me all the time. Maybe an history major, that’s something no one wants to talk about.

I just wish I had met him sooner, then if I was ever confronted with any sort of paradox in school I could have simply responded “Pyramids, BAM! next question”.

I take my doodles seriously.

Sorry it's sideways, I'm working on it.

I drew this a few years ago. It’s one of my favorite drawings. I used to do a lot of drawing and would like to return to it. However, I have to admit I don’t know what to think about this one. I really like it, and I’m not sure why. Nor am I really sure why this image came out of me. He’s either really angry, or really excited to be wrinkly. I used to think that this was my emoticon at the time I drew it. I would post a few of my drawings on the wall in my room every year, usually this one was up, and people would come in and check out my art, give me some bland comment of approval, and generally refuse to comment on this one in particular. Oddly, I liked that people seemed to be made uncomfortable by it. Or they just thought it sucked and didn’t want to feign being impressed. Regardless, I draw a lot of wrinkly yelling alien-men, and generally they’re my favorites.

I probably shouldn’t read too much into it because one of my other favorites is this picture I drew of my own lap.

This is my lap. I'm wearing corduroys.

If you look at it the way I drew it, it’s my lap and I’m sitting down. If you turn it upside down it looks like running legs. Every time I see it I think of the book Maniac Magee, I’m not really sure why.

My drawings are apparently a great source of confusion for me.

(scratch that, I just did an image search for Maniac Magee, makes much more sense to me now)

It’s in the details.

I was given one of the best educations available in this country. I am forever grateful to my parents and teachers for those opportunities, and forever indebted to them and the US government (big loans). However, until recently I was never really afforded much time to pursue what has turned out to be a pretty big passion for music. Years ago I realized I used to cling to particular lyrics, quotes, and moments in the music I own or experience, but often didn’t understand why they were so important to me. I think it’s because I was often too busy to pursue music with any legitimacy, so my mind really took to them as an outlet.

Here are some examples.

1.
This youtube clip of Amos Lee’s song Black River was one of the things that made me decide I needed some creative outlet in my life (hence a blog). Lyrically I’m a huge fan of the song, melodically as well. Hearing what he says at the beginning of this clip created an oddly cathartic moment for me. Plus I have to give him respect for saying “let’s kick it like a cricket”.

2. I somehow came across an mp3 of a live radiohead performance, the song is called “True Love Waits”. At the start of the song Thom Yorke says “this is a brand new song that nobody’s ever heard before”. The song is one of the more beautiful I’ve ever heard. However I still can’t get over how powerful that statement is. I’m envious of everyone who got to experience that concert. I was trying to find a link to it, but there’s just a lot of fan discussion about the performance of that song, turns out I’m not alone in loving it.

3. Kanye’s most recent appearance as musical guest on SNL was pretty terrible musically speaking. But listen to his performance of Heartless/Pinocchio Story again and tell me his delivery of the word “heartless” at the end isn’t eviscerating and I’ll show you a liar. It was almost too much raw emotion for live TV, but I loved it.

(it’s at the very end but I recommend listening to the whole thing)

4. Say Anything’s “Alive With the Glory of Love”, when he says “ok speed it up now”. Not that big of a moment, just an incredible song and a nice interjection. It gives the song bigger character.

5. Pretty much all the lyrics to the Wood Brother’s “Luckiest Man”. That song ran my life for a few months. Mostly “too late to hide, feet too soft to run. People say I’m the luckiest man”.

6. Bell X1: the lyric “can’t you see the grass is greener where it rains?” from the song “Eve the Apple of My Eye”. Fantastically emo moment.

7. The notion of Gravity seems to be big for me, so John Mayer’s Continuum and Sarah Bareilles’ Little Voice were big releases for me. Mayer’s “Gravity” is way up there in my top 10, and looks like it will be there for a while. When he sings “gravity, stay the hell away from me” and the music cuts for just a moment… I eat it up. When Bareilles hits the climax note in her “Gravity”… again another eviscerating moment.

That’s all for now, some of those are kind of weak, but I still like them. It’s all about the little stuff. I’ll probably add to this list because I can’t help myself.