Sam Waterson looks reliable. I’d buy what he’s selling. That’s why you now know him as the face of TD Ameritrade (you might also know him as Jack McCoy from the TV show Law and Order).
I envy him because he managed to synergize his television character with his pseudo-real self in advertisements.
He is a beacon of morality on TV. We trust him to fight for truth and justice in the most complicated of fictional moral quagmires, so why wouldn’t we trust him with our finances?
However, there is an important distinction that lets you know that it is Sam Waterson speaking on behalf of the wealth management firm, and not the fictional character Jack McCoy: When the part in his hair is on the right side it is Sam speaking, when it is on the left it is Jack. Subtle, but important.
Even after changing his head-suit people still trust him as much as they do a fictional person. That’s synergy (I like 30 Rock).
Either way, I want his job. Not specifically his job actually, so much as his credentials. Much the same as I do the Allstate guy’s (who also played the reliable looking and sounding president in the first few seasons of 24). I want my hair to go grey. I have a deep voice, but it could use a little aging. Give me a suit, a reliable looking logo and catch-phrase, put me in front of a visual metaphor for sound financial planning, and watch the money roll in. That’s my dream.
I’ve worked in restaurants for a very long time. Long enough to know that 3 in 5 elderly people think I have “a great voice for radio” (the older men also enjoy telling me I have a great face for radio too, funny every time). One simple conclusion: old people trust my voice. Therefore, I should be a spokesperson for retirement investment if that’s a thing. If not I’ll invent it and sell it to old people, not in a con-man way. Although when you break it down, a con-man is a “confidence man” and that’s what Sam Waterson is all about, manufactured confidence.
That’s my idea, will you give me money?
I work at a fantastic casual dining restaurant (one of the interchangeable ones that are always located near a mall or a super-walmart).
Yes I can get you a Perfect Margarita and Sizzling Fajitas.
Today someone called and asked if they could have their wedding at our restaurant. They wanted to rent out the bar, for 30 people, and have a wedding ceremony and reception. My manager declined their request. He was forced to say (and sound serious) that he didn’t feel comfortable doing that because he was afraid something might happen to ruin her “special day”.
I was very frustrated with my manager, and told him I would have gladly paid for an opportunity to work during the ceremony and reception. I couldn’t help but imagine the Priest saying “you may kiss the bride, and order Bud, Bud Light, and Coors Light on special in a 23 oz Brewtus for only $3.50, the perfect refreshing compliment to the new signature Fire Pit Bacon Cheese Burger”. I also couldn’t help but imagine myself as the priest, only still in my work uniform. I’m still engaged in a vigorous internal debate over whether or not I’m allowed to think this is as funny as I do.
I do wish them all the best on their special day.
Ok, so if anyone else out there reads digg.com with any regularity then they would have without a doubt seen that one of the top stories today was “Women are happy, men still suffer from ‘small penis sydrome’”. And if you’re anything like me you immediately clicked it and thought about erasing it from your browser history. The jist of the story was that men shouldn’t worry as much as they do about having “tiny tinklers” (that was actually used in the CBS news story). Ironically of course it is one of the most read stories today. Maybe it will be just the perfect piece of journalism to get people’s attention to shut down Enzyte and Extenze, and restore confidence in Mountain Dew’s choice of coloring agents (I dream of a day we are free from the tyranny of fear in consuming “yellow #5″).
Regardless, that’s not my issue with the article. In reading the piece I learned that the journal in which the study was published, the urology journal, is called BJU International. I have to ask: weren’t the people who created BJU International ever adolescents? There is simply no way that I am the only one out there with a dirty mind who thinks that a journal, dedicated to publishing scholarly works about the urogenital system, should not be named BJU International.
Their website is BJU.org, so I felt compelled to check out BJU.com. Turns out there is a Bob Jones University. Although still funny to claim you went to BJ University (and all the “that’s what she said jokes” that accompany), I don’t think that’s as funny as studying penis size and publishing it in BJU International. It just seems so literal.
Further compelled to see where BJ gets you on the internet I decided there’s really only one option for BJ.com. Alas my filthy mind was yet again disappointed. That’s just the homepage for the wholesale store BJ’s. I guess BJ just has too much subtlety for the multibillion dollar porn industry, who’s Academy Awards equivalent “AVN Adult Movie Awards” just crowned “Big Wet Asses 13″ the 2009 winner of Best Big Butt Release (FYI the Big Wet Asses series took “Best Anal Themed Series” in ’07, but “Best Big Butt Series” in ’09. They lost their anal-themed series crown to a tie between “Evil anal” and “Butthole Whores” this year. 2008 information was unavailable). The industry has really lost it’s finesse. Furthermore the more literal BJUniversity.com just redirects you to a website with a trailer for the indie film “David and Fatima” (still looking for a major distributor). At least the trailer is the beginning of a sex scene between two teens.
Then again, maybe I am alone in thinking that BJU International is a funny name for a urology journal. I suppose that could be considered refreshing these days. If not, you’re all welcome to join me in an internal childish giggle.
